Destroying the Evidence
by NarcissaNerea
Summary: A Shandy crack!fic in which Andy writes Sharon a couple of notes. Written by me, a friend, and quite a bit of wine after a few wicked days for both of us.
1. Chapter 1

Rusty looked up from his cereal at the sound of his cell phone buzzing against the table. He sighed, seeing Sharon's name appear across the screen. "Hi, Mom," he answered.

"Rusty, are you still at home?"

He felt his stomach drop, regretting complaining last night about his class and how badly he wanted to skip it. Of course, Sharon would call him and make sure he actually went. "Yeah, I haven't left for class yet."

"I forgot to grab my dry cleaning this morning. Could you drop it off for me at the cleaners on your way?"

Rusty relaxed. The dry cleaning would be easy. It was the going to class and sitting through another lecture that he still wasn't sure he had motivation to do. "Sure, Mom. I can do that. Do you think you'll be home for dinner later?"

"I don't know about this case we just caught. Two dead kids…." her voice trailed off.

"Ok, well...bye, Mom," he said. He never knew quite what to say when she talked about her cases.

"Have a good day, Rusty. Be safe." 

Rusty held the phone to his head until he heard the disconnect beep. Standing from his desk, he slid his phone into his back pocket and walked across the hall and into her room. He always felt uncomfortable being in her room. She was such a private person. Even though he had lived with her for a few years now, he still found her so hard to read. Picking up the clothing off of her bed, he noticed a piece of paper lying face down on the floor. _Shit, I hope she doesn't need this for a cas_ e he thought as he picked it up. Turning the paper over Rusty saw that it wasn't his mother's neat handwriting but a cramped and almost messy scrawl:

 _Dear Sharon,_

 _I wish you wouldn't be such a prude. My hard throbbing Italian cock wants to make you come...I'll make you forget all about those terrible FID days and make you come so much that all you're going to be saying is "Thankkk yewww! Thank yewww so much!"_

 _Love,_

 _Andy_

 _P.S. I love you with all of my heart!_

Rusty quickly dropped the paper on the floor as the realization of what he had just read slowly sank in. _What the HELL did I just read? Oh my God, have they even done it yet?_ Rusty felt himself becoming nauseous at the thought. _Stop thinking about it! She's your mother!_

Rusty cringed as he held the dry cleaning close to his chest. He walked out of her room, vowing never to step foot in it again, and set the clothes on the table near the door. _I did not want to know that about Sharon,_ he thought _._ Rusty headed back down the hall and back into his room. He packed his books and laptop, knowing that he wouldn't be getting anything else accomplished before class today. He sent Gus a text asking if he could stay with him for the foreseeable future. He wasn't sure he could ever look Andy or his mom in the face again. Shouldering his bag, he sent another text to Sharon saying he found her dry cleaning but he would never being going into her room again.

Meanwhile, in the murder room, Provenza strolled into Raydor's office. She had been called into a meeting with Taylor and he wanted his paperwork back. He picked up the folder that was lying on the desk and opened it, making sure that the Captain had signed every last line. _The last thing I want is this case coming back to haunt me._ "Eeee gods! What the hell is this?" Provenza muttered as he stared at the note that was stuck to the inside of the folder. Obviously, his paperwork had not been looked at yet by the Captain. At least he hoped she wouldn't have left _that_ in there.

Provenza walked out of the Captain's office, slamming the folder on Andy's desk as he walked by with the sticky note now attached to the front of the folder.

"What the hell are you putting your case file on my desk for?" Andy asked.

"What the hell am I putting this on your desk for? Why are you putting sticky notes in my case folders?" Provenza asked as he pointed at the folder.

Completely confused, Flynn just glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want me to read it aloud for everyone, Flynn? I could but I really don't think you'd like that," he said smugly. There was a chorus of questions from the team about the note, but Provenza just ignored them finally saying, "You really do not want to know, believe me. I wish I didn't."

Andy grabbed the note from Provenza's hand and read it. It was the note that he had misplaced the previous night:

 _Captain Raydor:_

 _I will destroy your pussy like a criminal in an evidence locker._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lieutenant Flynn_

Shit. No wonder Provenza looked so disgusted.

"Idiots," Provenza murmured as he walked away from Andy's desk.

Andy got up from his chair and started to walk towards Provenza's desk, hoping to convince his friend to keep the note between the two of them. The last thing he wanted was for it to spread like wildfire or even worse, for Sharon to find out about what he had done.

Andy hadn't even made it five feet from his desk when Sharon walked back into the murder room with her morning cup of tea. Hearing her phone ding, she set her cup of tea down on Flynn's desk, right on top of the now overturned sticky note. Her brow furrowed as she read Rusty's text saying that he had her dry cleaning but he would never be stepping in her room again. Sharon began a mental checklist of her room. She had remembered to put her nightgown and underwear in the hamper in her closet before leaving this morning. She hadn't left a vibrator out since Emily was 20, home from college for the summer and Sharon had been called out on a case while using it. God, that had been embarrassing when her daughter had gone to borrow a pair of shoes and saw it lying on the sheets.

Sharon internally groaned as she realized what had probably happened. Andy was still asleep when she left this morning. He had been leaving inappropriate notes in various places for her to find for about a week now. Her handbag, her cosmetic bag which always sat on the bathroom counter. She had even found one in a suit jacket during the middle of a meeting. One must have fallen out when she had taken her clothes out of the closet this morning. Pressing her lips tightly between her teeth, she picked her cup of tea and noticed the sticky note underneath. Her eyes grew wide as she read it, nearly spilling her tea in the process. This game had gone far enough.

"Lieutenant Flynn. My office. _Now._ Lieutenant Provenza, I think you should join us." She did not give either of them a chance to argue as she swept into her office taking with her the sticky note and her cup of tea. The last thing she wanted to do was reprimand him in front of Provenza, but that's what they had all agreed to in front of Taylor. For the first time her own rules were coming back to bite her. As long as it did not involve anything more than a verbal reprimand, Taylor would never have to know about this. Never in her life would she have expected to have to have this conversation with her second and third in command.

As Provenza closed the door and shut the blinds, he started, "Captain, I do not think I need to be here for this conversation. I know what Taylor asked, but I trust you to handle this one without my presence. I will sign off on whatever you want to do to him as just punishment." As uncomfortable as he was, he knew his boss was even more uncomfortable. He wanted nothing more than to smack Flynn upside the head for putting them all in this situation. What had Flynn's first wife told him? _Be more romantic, Andy!_ God, he could hear her whiny voice echoing in his head. But she did have a point. He really could try to be more romantic.

"No, I need you to stay, as uncomfortable as this will be for all of us," Raydor replies.

Turning to Flynn, she continued, "Lieutenant Flynn, would you care to explain the meaning of this note?"

All of the color drained from Flynn's face. "I...uh" he paused. "Look, is this really necessary? We all know what it says. I mean for Christ's sake-"

"A superior officer - specifically, your commanding officer - has asked you the meaning of a note you left, Flynn," Provenza said, cutting him off. If he was going to be dragged into this, he may as well have some fun at Flynn's expense.

Flynn rolled his eyes at Provenza. "I apologize, _Captain_ " he said, stressing her rank. "The intention of my note was to express the level of which I would like to engage in sexual intercourse with you. More specifically, the exact method by which I would like to apply my tongue and other body parts of my body to a certain part of your body until you no longer know your location or can't sit for the next week." Andy watched Sharon's face become the color of an overripe tomato. "The note," he continued, "was addressed to you, my commanding officer, referencing something that we are both familiar with - criminals and evidence. If a criminal were to gain access to the locker in which the evidence against him was being stored he would surely, without a doubt, destroy it. Much like I would like to destroy your….you know."

Andy looked over at Provenza who was making a noise somewhere between a wheeze and a stifled laugh. Glancing back over at Sharon he saw she now had her head in her hands, her hair covering her face. He was never going to live this down.

XxXxX

AN: To be continued pending the state of our respective livers.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: We decided to continue this crackfic. As a side note, this was based on the ep where Shandy went house-hunting & what might result…

Over the past few weeks, Sharon and Rusty had been slowly packing the condo between cases, storylines, college classes, and dates. This time next week, they would be moved in with Andy in the house that they were purchasing and having dinner with the team and their families. Even Ricky was driving down to provide some assistance to what he referred to offhandedly to Rusty as the "geriatric moving party". Emily was not going to be able to help with her latest show premiering the following weekend.

Sharon checked the labels of the large box that she had just finished packing. "Master Bedroom: Sharon's Shoes" that should be non-descript enough to keep the boys out of them and she was planning on having Nicole, Patrice, and Amy set up the kitchen and spare room so they should be safe from prying eyes. The top layer of the large box was shoes that she was not planning to wear to work in the next couple of weeks. They included a few pairs of stilettos that Andy loved for her to wear when they would go out for a romantic evening. It wasn't that she was embarrassed by the contents buried further down, but she didn't want her team or her sons snooping through her personal stuff.

Inside the large box contained several smaller shoeboxes. One box contained various notes that Andy had left her over the time that they had been dating. Sharon was extremely sentimental about some things and really appreciated Andy taking the time to be romantic and leaving her notes in various places. He hadn't left any for her to find at work since she had been forced, or so she claimed, to reprimand him and in front of his partner no less. Another shoebox contained some notes that she had written for Andy, but had yet to give him. " _Dear Lieutenant Flynn, I cannot abide tardiness in one of my detectives and I abide it even less in a lover. If you are late tonight, I am starting without you, and you will only be allowed to watch as I pleasure myself in ways that you have only ever dreamed of_." was one that made her blush every time she opened the box and she knew that she would never be able to give it to him at work like she originally planned, especially after the incident a few months ago. She thought about leaving it on their bathroom counter on a day where she had to be in the office early since they would no longer be sharing a bathroom with Rusty. A smaller shoe box contained a few ties of Andy's that had "disappeared" while another box contained her collection of vibrators and other toys. The largest shoebox contained a collection of items that she had yet to introduce Andy to including a pair of purple fuzzy handcuffs.

XxXxX

Moving day was upon them before they knew it. They were selling her condo, his house, and purchasing the new house all within a span of a few days. Thankfully, the new owners of her condo and his house were giving them a couple extra days to get everything out before turning over the keys. That gave them the weekend to get both places emptied so the cleaning company they hired could come through early Monday morning and clean them for the new owners. Since the new house was closer to her condo, they loaded what remained in Andy's house into the U-Haul Friday evening and he was spending the night at the condo, as he had most nights recently. The team was just wrapping up a case so it was just the "kids" clearing out his house. There was a lot of good-natured teasing until the siblings decided to Skype Emily in and then it involved the "kids" teasing the adults about moving in together before "tying the knot". There were some comments made about did they have to worry about moving skeletons tucked away in closets that made Sharon blush as a certain box flashed into her mind. Andy was too preoccupied to notice, and the kids didn't think anything of it. As they were finishing unloading the cars with the fragile items from their respective residences, Rusty volunteered to spend the night with Gus which left Ricky with Rusty's room so he didn't have to sleep on the couch. The following day would begin early enough as it was.

The next morning dawned even earlier than any of them were ready for including Sharon, who loved waking up next to Andy. She quickly managed untangle herself from Andy this morning. She and Andy both needed to get in and out of the bathroom before Ricky decided to take over the bathroom. They still needed to pick up coffee and breakfast for the large number of helpers expected at the condo and new house this morning. Sharon and Andy were going to split the loading and unloading so she took the car with the last load of breakables from her condo over to to the new house to start unpacking what with Patrice and Provenza while the rest of them loaded the rest of the condo into the U-Haul. In her haste, she forgot to remind Andy to not open anything marked "Master Bedroom: Sharon's" and to just leave it for her to deal with.

XxXxX

Mike had helped until lunch before he had to leave with his boys being home, but almost everything was unloaded from the U-Haul. As Provenza took over Andy's recliner, Rusty, Gus, Ricky, Buzz, and Amy were finishing the last few boxes as the rest of the adults put away the picnic lunch that was set up along the counter. When everyone was done their tasks, they gathered in the living room to split the rest of the tasks that had to be finished before the end of the day. With a significantly larger space than either Sharon or Andy was used to, most of the items had been color-coded and labeled to which room they were going so everything was already in the correct room. The hard part was to finish unpacking and getting everything set up.

Andy stated that he probably should get the U-Haul back and then he would start unpacking his boxes into the master bedroom closet. Buzz was not surprised when he got "tech duty" to set up all of the electronics throughout the home. There were certainly enough cords to go through before the cable people came through to hook up the internet, cable, and phones. Ricky volunteered to assemble the new office furniture that Sharon had found and was waiting in the office. A grumbling Provenza followed him, telling him he'd only read the directions and not lift anything. As far as he was concerned, lifting was too close to running. Rusty and Gus went to start unpacking and setting up the furniture for his bedroom. Nicole and Amy went off to set up the spare room that Ricky would be staying in for a few days while Sharon and Patrice went to finish setting up the kitchen.

By the time that Andy returned, he could see a significant amount of progress had occurred and it was starting to actually look like a home - the home that he would share with Sharon hopefully for the rest of his life. After taking a moment to watch his best friend's wife and his girlfriend giggling as Sharon was stacking dishes and glasses into various cupboards as Patrice was washing them, he walked over and put his arms around Sharon.

"Do you want to come help me figure out where everything goes in the bedroom, my dear?" he sultrily whispered in her ear.

"Sure," was her quick reply as she put the towel down. "Patrice, do you have this for a minute? Andy needs a bit of direction before he grabs the boys to rearrange some furniture."

"Take your time. I think I remember how most of this was set up at the condo anyway. Besides, it's the unpacking and rewashing that is painful. We can always rearrange if needed."

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

"I feel like I should carry you over the threshold to our room, darling."

"Andy, I'll let you do that if you can get out of bed without complaint tomorrow," she smirked. "You do not want to throw out your back this weekend. I would hate for you to have to become the dedicated desk monkey again. Your partner will never let you live it down."

"Just go take all the romance right out of it," Andy replied as he crossed the threshold of their room while holding her hand. "So we tried to get the furniture as close as we could to what you already had sketched out. How did we do?"

"You have it correct. Now that I see it, I think we need to swap these two items here and what if we move this next to them? Think you can handle that?" Sharon quired while pointing the various items in question.

"Sure. I'm just going to go grab Ricky and Buzz."

"Ok," replied Sharon as the doorbell rang. "You'll have to grab Rusty because that's probably the cable guy to do the installation. I'm having Buzz handle that for us. You don't want to know what happened when I let Ricky handle that when I moved into the condo."

Andy just smirked as he remembered the story. Somehow, Sharon's cable bill had a few extra channels added to it until she figured it out a few months later.

"I will. Go get the door," Andy stated as he went down the hall to grab Rusty and Ricky.

Knocking on the door, Andy slowly walked into the room that Rusty had claimed as his. "Wow. This looks like it's almost finished. I guess you don't need any help. Buzz, I think Sharon was looking for you. Something about helping the cable guy get everything set up. Gus, can I borrow Rusty and Ricky to move some furniture around our bedroom? Sharon wants some things moved around now that she's seen it set up."

Rusty and Ricky followed Andy down the hall into Sharon and Andy's bedroom. When they had everything rearranged per Sharon's latest instructions, Andy looked at the boys and asked, "Which one of you wants to go grab your mom to see if everything is in the correct place now?"

As Ricky left, Andy began moving boxes around in the ensuite bathroom as well as the closets looking for the box Sharon had packed the sheets for the bed in. He looked at Ricky while moving the fifth and largest box labeled "Master Bedroom: Sharon's Shoes."

"I know your mom has a serious shoe habit, but I didn't quite realize just how bad it was until today," Andy smirked.

"I'm not helping you unpack any of them. Mom was serious when she told Ricky and I last week to not open any of the boxes going into this room with her name on them. Sorry, but you are on your own for that. And I would highly suggest that you don't either. She's a little bit neurotic about some things," Rusty replied.

"Don't I know that?" Andy continued to smirk. He wondered what Sharon didn't want the kids to come across. He knew that she had some lingerie and toys, but figured they were probably in a box labeled underwear knowing her and her sons wouldn't go through that box even with prompting. Andy was quickly pulled out of his thought process as Ricky and Sharon walked in.

"What do you think, Sharon? Do we need to move anything else? Or is this going to work for at least a few months?"

"I think this will work for a while. What do you think?"

"You were right, but I think this dresser needs to move another six inches towards the wall so you don't trip on it in the middle of the night."

"Can I get that I was correct in writing, please?"

Ricky and Rusty rolled their eyes at each other as Sharon walked out of the room.

"Alright, guys. Let's get this done and then you can help me unpack some of the stuff in here so I can think of getting in bed with your mother at some point tonight," Andy sighed.

"Ew," Ricky and Rusty said in unison.

Andy just shook his head at their reaction as Ricky and Rusty moved to move the dresser closer to the wall. He wasn't going to even comment at this point.

"Since you have that done and are being so insistent on not opening any of your mother's boxes, I'll let you unpack the stuff in the bathroom and the few boxes that I have. I'm just going to go tackle these boxes of shoes over here. How bad can her shoe collection really be?" Andy sighed. "Anyway, we're going to be sharing a closet." He looked up at Ricky and Rusty as he said, "I'm going to see just how many pairs of shoes she owns. Might as well find out now." He ripped the tape off a box and pulled out the first box.

"Andy, if you open that box, I'm walking out now," Rusty states.

"Why? They are just shoes. How bad can it be? See?" Andy held up the pair of heels that Sharon wore the first time they went to Serve. He thought back to their first, actual date. The black dress she had been wearing that hadn't quite hit her knees. Her long legs that were accentuated by the heels he now held.

"Mom was pretty specific when she talked to both of us last weekend. She didn't talk to you about staying out of her boxes?" Rusty replied, breaking off Flynn's inappropriate thoughts about Rusty's mother.

"No. We have no secrets from each other. Besides, it's not as if we aren't going to be sharing the closet anyway." Well, he would only get twenty-five percent of it if he remembered Sharon's comment correctly from when they originally toured the house.

"Ok, but I'm not opening a single box in here. She was pretty specific about Ricky and I not being around when she unpacked her boxes. I'm going to go unload the boxes in the bathroom," Rusty stated as he walked into the ensuite bathroom. Rusty knew what was in those as he was the one who had helped Sharon pack the towels, washcloths, extra soap, and her bath supplies. He wasn't going to go anywhere near anything that Sharon had packed without him in the room especially after the note fiasco a few months prior.

It looked like the box that Andy was unloading actually was shoes so Ricky didn't see why he couldn't actually stay in the room for this box. Ricky sighed as he moved to one of the boxes that Andy had labeled as ties. Ricky smirked, "She might have a shoe problem, but I think you have a tie problem. Do you want me to hang them here?" Ricky pointed to the tie hanger that was attached to the back of the closet door.

"Yes."

They continued to work in silence while Ricky hung Andy's ties and Andy continued opening the boxes located in the largest box labeled shoes and started stacking them in the closet by color and height similar to how she had them set up at the condo. She could decide if she actually wanted them in the boxes or not since they would have the space here. When Ricky finished, he noticed that Andy was opening each box and then bending down to stack it in the correct order.

"What if I help you out here, Andy? Do you want to pass the boxes to me or do you want me to pass them to you?"

"Well, I probably am going to regret this, but I'll sit on the floor here and you can pass to me."

They continued this way while they finished emptying the box with Andy opening each box and then deciding where it went. Ricky smiled as he realized that Andy had somehow memorized just how his mother arranged her shoes. They really were two peas in a pod.

"That's the end of that box," Ricky said, passing the last box to Andy.

"Okay. Why don't you open the largest one and let's unload that one and then go grab something to drink?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. I might need to actually help you get up off the floor, Andy."

Ricky opened the largest box and began passing the shoeboxes to Andy to open and file them according to Sharon's system. About half way through, Ricky pulled out a box that felt like it was nearly empty.

"Andy, this box feels really light. Do you think Mom accidentally packed an empty shoe box?"

"I don't know, but can you open it and see? That would explain how there are so many and would give me something to tease her about later."

"Ok," Ricky replies as he opens the box. Ricky is surprised when he opens the box and notices that it is a bunch of sticky notes and various sized sheets of paper. Being curious, he reached in and grabbed one to read.

 _Captain Raydor:_

 _I will destroy your pussy like a criminal in an evidence locker._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lieutenant Flynn_

Ricky turned bright red as he silently handed the box to Andy. He couldn't even get words out as he dropped the note into Andy's hands as he walked out of the room. He now understood why his mom was so specific about leaving her stuff alone.

As Andy lowered his head, he recognized the note, shocked that Sharon actually kept it especially after how embarrassed she was when she was questioning about him about it in front of Provenza. His thoughts were racing. _Oh, shit! Her kid just read that. She's going to kill me now. I can't really back out of living with her. God, I'm glad I already know the couch is comfortable. Maybe Provenza will be kind enough to let me sleep in his spare room while I figure out how to untangle myself from this. I can't even get up off the floor on my own so I can't go after Ricky. I better not call for Rusty to help me up either as that will lead to more questions. Why did I not listen to them? They knew that Sharon didn't want them unpacking her stuff._

Rusty walked out of the bathroom to find Andy sitting on the floor. "Hey, Andy," he said, looking down at a very distressed Flynn who was surrounded by shoeboxes.

"Hey, Rusty. Look, I should have listened to you, all right? But Ricky got a hold of a note and I gotta get to your mom before he does so if you could help me up..." Andy extended his hand up towards Rusty.

Rusty crossed his arms in front of him. "Another note?!" he asked. _Couldn't they just sext like regular people?_

"No, no this was the same note that Provenza found at work," Andy responded, shaking his head. "Actually, you didn't know about that one but technically -"

Rusty rolled his eyes. "You left them for her at work, too? What were you thinking? Actually, don't answer that….you're both weird."

Andy reached his arm out again towards Rusty, "Yes, I did and I got reprimanded for it. But would you please help me up?"

Rusty tried not to imagine what was all involved in a reprimand for leaving an inappropriate note for one's girlfriend and commanding officer. As he helped Andy up, he bumped into the large box that Andy and Ricky were previously working on causing the entire box to start vibrating.

"I'm going to help you up, but then I'm leaving and you will take care of that because I do not want to know," Rusty said quickly. "I will not help you out of another mess again so make sure that box is hidden by the time _anyone_ walks through here."

Andy watched as Rusty scurried out of the master bedroom stopping only long enough to ensure the door was tightly shut behind him.

Andy sighed as he pulled out the next box. As he opened it, he was shocked to see various notecards, slips of paper, and cards written in Sharon's handwriting addressed to him. As he unfolded the first one, typed on paper containing the LAPD letterhead, his eyes nearly fell out of his head.

 _Lieutenant Flynn,_

 _In response to your note stating that you want to destroy my pussy like a criminal in an evidence locker, I have yet to see any indication that you are going to do this. While yes, you do make me come, I am afraid to say that is not enough. What I am requesting is that you keep me here late. Very late. Wait until the team is at home and then drag me out of my office. Handcuff me if you have to and push me over to Provenza's desk. You know how he hates anyone leaning on his desk let alone making it a mess._

 _Push me onto the desk and spread my legs open. Maybe I won't be wearing any underwear and maybe I haven't for quite some time. At least not at work. Then fuck me with your fingers until I'm soaking wet and then wipe them on whatever papers are sitting on the desk. I want to make that desk so contaminated that we have to call the FBI and CDC._

 _Then do whatever you want to as long as it results in me forgetting my own rank. Think about it, Lieutenant. I eagerly await your response._

 _Regards,_

 _Captain Raydo_ r

He was not expecting that. That definitely was a side of Sharon that he had never seen before. While he wanted to go through the rest of the notes in the box, he knew that he had a limited amount of time to figure out what was vibrating before someone else entered their bedroom. It wasn't the box that he was holding. He would just have to stick this box in a safe place to read more of the notes later.

Pulling out the next box, he found that it contained a bunch of ties that he thought that he had "lost". As he was rooting through the box, he came across a pair of purple, fuzzy handcuffs. _I guess I don't know Sharon as well as I thought I did._

Finally, Andy pulled out what looked to be a box of boots. It wasn't vibrating, but he couldn't help himself but to continue to open it. As he started to go through it the door to the bedroom opened. He looked to the ceiling and prayed that it wasn't Sharon.


End file.
